FEAR

Oh well, my Europe trip is really an adventurous one and with 100% cultural shock. I am not sure if I will be able to survive for a year there. If I have the time, I will post some pictures up here though. LOL. That 12 or 13 days trip, was realllllllyyyyyyyy so experiencing, shocking, overwhelming, what emotions you ever had, i have had it.

Few minutes ago, I was browsing through a friend of mine on facebook and seeing her new life in london with her asian friends in school, I feel kind of worried. The first thought to me was like, oh... will I be getting a absoute racist environment in Paris next year, in my school, and obviously in my class. *faint* This is really mentally torture. I am already imagining the only asian who picks up French a year ago picking up her guts to study there alone. tsktsk. Is this insane or something? People have been telling me 'oh, you are going there alone w/o friends?' I will go, ' Yeah.' Im kind of thinking what's the big deal with going with friends or not, I mean yeah, with friends is safer and all but on the other hand, there is also lots more of freedom... And most importantly, I don't want to be dragged by my friends behind just because I want to do a different area of study, very different from what I am studying now. I want to study for my own sake not for my friends' sake, for goodness sake.

"You are a brave kid."
"You are just like a guy."
"I really admire you so much."

oh yeah yeah yeah. You haven't seen my inner fear I am facing. I'm going nuts already. The dates are drawing nearer. I don't know how the hell I'm going to handle this. Is felt like this is the BIGGEST EVER TEST I am facing in my life, is even bigger a deal of dashing a car towards a wall or what. sigh.